I couldn’t sleep at all last night.

I went to bed at my regular time, the usual tired, nothing much to suggest it was going to be one of the ones I dread.

Every now and then, often for no reason, I’ll catch myself staring at the ceiling for hours, tired but unable to drift off to the place I desperately want to go.

I don’t suffer with habitual insomnia, and therefore I am almost completely unable to cope when it does hit me. But I decided to itemize my memory of last night.

First, there was disbelief.

No, it’s fine. I’ll be asleep in five minutes.

Then came panic

Oh, no! I have to fall asleep or tomorrow will be a disaster!

Then comes anger.

This is utter crap! Ridiculous. I want to speak to your manager!

Then bargaining.

Ok, you can read one chapter, then you’ll fall asleep. It’s almost a guarantee.

Then came acceptance

We’ll make it though tomorrow without any sleep. Don’t worry, we’ve done it a hundred times for work or when the kids were babies.

At some point, sleep finally arrived and gratitude followed swift on its heels.

Oh thank heavens!

And a joyful realization trickled in before my brain at long last shut down.

I’ll adjust my alarm clock for no exercise and that’s an extra two hours of sleep!

It was easy enough to see where the lack of sleep came from. I did a presentation for the first time in over ten years today.

My brain wouldn’t stop clicking along, and it was the fear of failure that kept my subconscious from letting go.

Of course, the presentation was fine, and went even better than I’d hoped. The tech worked well, and I think I may even have been funny.

(At least, people laughed at the right places)

And now?

Well, I feel a little more calm at the idea of doing a presentation in the future, and I’m pretty tired.

Hopefully tonight is a regular, dream filled night.

Because tomorrow is another long work day, and two white nights in a row may be more than I can rationalize away.