The sun rose and alerted me that, no matter where I was or what the schedule for the day was, it was 5 o’clock in my brain and time to wake up.

I lay there instead of getting up, watching my little boy sleep, curls sleep tousled and cheeks flushed. He would move, and snuggle in closer to my side.

Still sleeping, but instinctively moving to safer waters.

I listened as the birds talked about their plans for the day. They sounded busy, unlike me.

My entire day stretched ahead with nothing other than chasing children and having a BBQ with family. If felt strange, like my feet were glued down. 

It felt amazing 

And it was.

I watched as my little ones ran around with their cousins again, all day from nine am until nine pm. Laughing and crying and hugging and fighting with each other, 

One giant bunch of kids treating each other like siblings, sitting at a real kids table, with 6 little chairs and plates left mostly untouched,

Except the corn. 

They all ate the corn

Catching up with cousins, adults all, people we only see once or twice a year,

and it felt so familiar and close,

My memory and conversations from today harmonize,

bringing me back twenty years, 

Going for a long walk with my brother

nothing is changed,

Everything is different