I was a new grad

out on my own

terrified

by how much I still didn’t know

I told myself

I could look things up

ask for help;

Using bandages

To mask my insecurity

The reality was so different

Initial terror

faded

in the face of hectic days,

sleepless nights.

Patch jobs,

transferring patients elsewhere

where I prayed ‘They’ could make it right

Rushing to plug

another hole in the dike

Then the dam burst

calmness settled as I gave in

allowing the water

to wash my fear

and expectations away

Inevitability became a friend

as I learned how others live

learned that sometimes,

just existing in the moment

is the best care

Expectant pauses

as they lead

I didn’t need to be the expert,

I needed to listen

and understand

Northern time

settled on my skin

like a kiss from the sun

after a long and brutal winter

Pine trees scented my dreams

as the sky danced with joy

leading me onward

harsh, bitter, and cruel at times

The land taught me

Welcoming arms

wrapped around my heart

and haven’t yet let it go

Years later I still remember

the cry of the loon

across the waters of the rocky shields