Another cold week has set into my bones so deeply that this morning, when I went outside to start my car I thought it was warm at first.

I went as far to tell my husband that he probably didn’t need to start the car then I checked the temperature and realized warmer to me was -24. Truly, we are in the midst of winter when warmer comes out of your mouth in association with -24.

I haven’t felt much like writing a blog or journal in the last week, but when I look back over everything that I have written, I understand why.

I finished two short stories for a St. Patrick’s Day anthology, edited the equivalent of four books in the last two weeks, and finished book 2 of my cowriting series. When I add it all up, it’s no wonder I felt slightly lost for inspiration when it comes to keeping up with a daily blog.

But now I feel relieved, knowing that although at times I’ve been dubious about my sanity, I have managed to meet my goals.

It’s interesting; at times I wonder if I’m procrastinating or crazy when I schedule myself. Or is it that I know myself so well after all of these years I know exactly how much time it will take to accomplish things?

Am I afraid of downtime?

My eternal struggle is the pendulum between feeling lazy and being overwhelmed. I wonder how many people deal with that same dichotomy?

Between always feeling like there’s something else that you should be doing and wondering why you’re not doing it, and wanting desperately to just sit and fill your mind with silent and stillness.

I’m slowly coming along with my goals of yoga and exercise, but haven’t managed quite grasped the concept of meditation.

Yoga is frightening enough because of how slow it feels, and that involves moving my body.

The idea of sitting silently and meditating for anything longer than two or three minutes at a time terrifies me.

I wonder why?

Is it because I’m afraid of the thoughts that will enter my head, or is it fear of failing, knowing that stillness takes just as much practice to achieve as running a marathon or finishing university?

So I fill my time, and add meditation to destress and de-clutter somewhere near the bottom of my list.

Maybe I’ll get there, once I’m caught up with my to do list.

Maybe I should place it at the top.

If meditation is truly the path to understanding yourself as the gurus often espouse,

then it may provide the answers to why I let the little hamster steer the wheel inside my head.

Or maybe it’s just another pit stop on the road…