Today was the first time since being a parent that I’ve really had to deal with the small lord of the flies situation that will strike every parent at some point in time.

Yes, I broke the seal, 6 years in. I didn’t really want to, but my almost-6-year-old has been going to a reasonable amount of birthday parties since kindergarten started in the fall, and I knew I was trapped.

Yes, they wanted a party. With cake. And presents, and worst of all- 

other children. 

So I went to the dollar store, and a party store, and stocked up on cheap plastic crap and themed plates and table cloths, and decided to be tricky- let’s invite the entire class! BUT…. on the Saturday of a long weekend! Muahahaha!!!

Thus begun my evil master plan. And pretty much ended it as well. Hey parents, drop your kids off so I can look after them for two hours. And only two hours. 

Seriously don’t be late mmmmkay?

No games, no party plans. Nope. Five and six year old children don’t follow instructions anyways, so the plan was literally pizza and cake. And being allowed to run around the house.

Oh.my.god. Was it loud. The loudest my house has been since my sixth birthday party, possibly.

They descended on the house all at once, within about 10 minutes. And did they ever run around. They ate like a small swarm of locusts, devouring everything but their crusts (locusts have standards, doncha know) running around faster after the cake, and then screaming to have their presents opened first.

It was the longest two hours of my life, and I’m so tired. 

So very, very tired.

And so grateful that one brave woman kept me company or I probably would have been murdered in a coup of some kind.

I think I’m going to have a nap now. I’m so grateful my children have birthdays spaced out by three months. 

I just don’t think I could handle it otherwise.